A Foot in Both Worlds

Preface: I had been walking with the Lord for almost 2yrs. However, I was still in a constant struggle with sin and about 'fully' letting go of this world and clinging on and trusting the Lord as to what He had in store for me as His child. I was caught up in the belief (although I might not have confessed it out loud to others around me..or to myself) that 'christianity' was dull, boring, and the 'nunnery' I had always thought it to be. However, I saw the 'wisdom' in it and the 'safety' it had brought to my corrupt life since my salvation, and was grateful for it...so grateful in fact, I was willing to CLING onto this boring 'happyville' life of christianity I believed it to be...because it was still INFINITLY better than where I had come from.

However...the 'world' still seemed so enticing and full of excitement...and being so young, I felt that I still had so much life to experience and enjoy BEFORE I stepped into this Christian walk fully. Deep down inside of me, I believed that this walk with the Lord was stealing that away, and it is in fact, as we are to DIE to the things of this world, HOWEVER, I was deceived in what that actually meant. I felt that I was giving all 'good' things up...and as much as I thought I was ready and willing to do so for the Lord...I didn't...as my actions in my life and the deep yearnings in my heart still revealed.

Dream: I find myself standing in what seems like an office building. There are no desks, cubicles, etc., but the wall I am facing has 2 elevators with 'fake' plants outside of them as 'decor.' There is a line of people standing and waiting for one elevator...and I am at the end of this line...of about 80-100 people. All of the people in this line are wearing gray 'business suits', male and female alike. Just skirts and 'added' blouses for the women. They all seem to be carrying brief cases too...and they seem to be very content and happy....standing forward to the elevator, waiting their turn, chatting in murmurs...I notice I am at the end of this line.

I then look over to the other elevator and notice that no one is in line for it. The doors to this elevator are open, but there is a yellow plastic CAUTION tape draped across the opening, as if it is broken or being fixed for repairs. I walk over to it out of curiosity to see inside. When I look inside the elevator, I see all of these buckets of paint. The lids are open and there is every color of the rainbow out on display in them. They are so vibrant and deep in color! The paint cans are full and glistening and calling my name (I love colors!). I then notice a paint brush on the floor. I think..."hmmm...if I only reach in under the tape and grab the brush, I can paint a little, to see what it looks like, and still be safely outside of the elevator." It still hasn't been made clear to me what is wrong with the elevator...(and I must confess here, that this has always been a fear of mine...being in an elevator and having it 'break' and drop to the floor, smashing me in a gazillion pieces..I know chances are rare..still :). So anyways...I reach in under the tape to grab ahold of the brush, when I suddenly lose my balance and have to catch myself with a foot landing inside of the elevator. At first, I am pretty shaken up about this and stand still seeing if the elevator will 'drop'...it doesn't even move. So, I don't waste any time and dip my brush into the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple and start brushing away all over the walls. The colors are soooo beautiful! I can't believe it!

Sometime during all this painting, (I have become so absorbed into the beauty of the colors and the fun of it all that I havn't noticed) I have stepped ALL the way into this elevator. As soon as I realize this, I hear a mechanical woman's voice on the loud speaker in the elevator saying, "WARNING WARNING...DROPPING TO THE GARBAGE FURNACE." And before I know it, the doors slam shut ansd SWOOSH...that's right...the elevator is dropping full-speed downwards. I can literally feel my stomach fly up into my mouth as gravity is taking hold.

During this fall and my utter loss of balance and self, I am sliding all around in the elevator. Across all the walls and ceiling that are now covered in all that paint. The paints are slippery and mixing colors...and are becomng an ugly brown gray mass of gunk. I am full-on panicking and thinking of how to 'save' myself. I think..."if I can just get my footing and 'jump' as the elevator lands, then I will take some of the impact away." As I am thinking this, all of the walls start coming in on me. Ceiling, floor, sides, squeezing closer to my body... and the elevator is turning in all sorts of directions during this free-fall...I realize then, that I am in a sticky, ugly, coffin. There is no footing, no chance to make the impact less...I scream out, "Jesus! Jesus!"

At this moment, I hear the voice of God (or possibly His Spirit) speaking to me. He is calm and sympathetic of my situation. He say's to me..."I gave you the choice of elevators...and although you are my child and you will be with me at the end...I can not take away the pain that you will feel from this fall." I am crying bitter sweet tears..tears of thankfulness...mixed w/remorse, fear, and dread of about what is about to take place....

The next thing I know, I am in outer space (coffin, paint...all gone) flying at what feels like the speed of light, with light rays all around me, and then, for just a moment, it feels 'slow-motion like'...it is silent, and there are millions of stars and galaxies all around me...I wake up.

Interpretation: As soon as I woke up from that dream 10 yrs ago...it was like a sock in the stomach to me, as an awakening, as to where I was going with my walk with the Lord. As well as a light shining in on all of the lies and deceptions I had been believing from the enemy.

The 'boring gray office building' was what my perception of the 'world/work of Christianity' was. 'Gray' in the (-) can mean; unclear, vague, deception, false doctrine or teaching. 'The boring people in gray business suits and briefcases; Christians. The color gray in this dream was basically symbolizing my belief of deception that Christianity was 'dull.' The 'happyville' patrons were easily abiding by the rules and waiting for the elevator that was 'working.' That elevator symbolizing 'the way'. The elevator with the caution tape across it was 'the world' into which God gives us free choice to take. What I find interesting here is that...the doors are opened, signifying 'free-will', but..there IS a CAUTION tape...that was my warning. You might think it a 'small' warning...but, if you really saw an open elevator with a yellow caution tape across the entrance...would you venture into it?

The paint and all the colors signified all the enticement that the world has to offer, everything I felt I was missing out on as a Christian. When we as Christians 'compromise' and 'reach in' to what the world has to offer...we risk the chance of a 'fall.' Even after I had fallen in w/one foot. You'll notice that I believed in a false sense of security...that I could have one foot in the Kingdom of God, and one in the world...to 'have my cake and eat it too,' so to speak. That I could 'easily jump out' if I needed to. The thing is, once we fall for the things of this world, and become numb to right and wrong, or have the lines blurred...we compromise. Our discernment becomes darkened...and we don't tend to notice and before we know it, we are drawn in, and both feet are in, and the light of truth is lost. I had fallen for a trap. I fell in and was lost (at least, this was the warning the Lord was giving me BEFORE it happened in my actual life). What is interesting here is that all the beauty I had seen in those paints (the enticement of the world and what it has to offer) turned to a pukey brown-gray glop (brown: humanism, gray: deception). Basically, the reality of it's ugliness revealed. The elevator going down (backslidden), the elevator turning into a coffin (death), and the garbage furnace I was headed for...Hell.

I find it extremely interesting here, that God said I would still be saved and with Him. My perception thus far tends for me to interpret it as; that by the grace of God, and His son Jesus' blood that was shed on the cross for all of our sins, and by my salvation (confession of sins and knowledge of need for forgiveness and faith in Jesus as God's son, and our salvation) I was 'pardoned' and taken in as a child of God. However, I still had to reap what I sowed on this earth...meaning...the path of this world leads to pain, suffering, and death. The path of this world isn't fruitful. I am so grateful to have been awakened to what I could have missed out on.

The TRUE DECEPTION of my 'old perception' was that the Kingdom of God was boring and that the world was exciting! LIES! The longer I've walked w/the Lord, the more I find each and every day, (moment)! That this world is kind of like...the 'strip' in Vegas...or a Hollywood movie set...all big and grand on the front, with bells, whistles, lights, music, and then you take a peek behind and see that there are just boards propping them up. Empty paper mache walls. An act. Or an old nasty dirty ally behind the building with someone handing out sheets of pornography (Vegas moment)...basically, full of utter horror fueled by our sin, and lack of knowledge/awareness of our dire need for HIM, Jesus Christ, the Atonement for all.

The creator of this universe, of all creation, of colors, of joy, of laughter, of love...knows EXCITEMENT...He created it! And His kingdom, truly is that! EVEN here on earth...we don't have to wait until heaven. I am so grateful to God for awakening me that night and taking me even deeper in my walk and relationship with Him. Every day is exciting to see His Kingdom growing and MOVING, to be apart of it. :) I'm soooo thankful for His mercy and love to 'awaken' me from the direction I was going, BEFORE I stepped fully into that elevator, and that I didn't miss another second here on earth of 'not getting' what this whole Christianity thing is about!